H.O.G. Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 To pass the time. Without anyone getting offended and defensive? I frequent another forum, un-sports related, and some of them are hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 Ive most definitely done some tasteless stuff.... and some crazy stuff thatll I'll never mention here... Well One Christmas... 5 years ago I was put in charge of hanging Christmas lights... by myself ... Idk how I managed to do this but somehow I let them get through the belt loop of my jeans... I slipped off the damn ladder and the neighbors Chihuahua was below.... I missed him barely.... Thise Christmas lights quite literaly held me for 5 seconds but they started snapping down.... and the heavy plug piece snapped down fast and smacked me in the forehead... I actually blacked out... what woke me up was the damn dog licking my nose... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AztecPadre Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 2 minutes ago, TheMaximumHornetSting said: Ive most definitely done some tasteless stuff.... and some crazy stuff thatll I'll never mention here... Well One Christmas... 5 years ago I was put in charge of hanging Christmas lights... by myself ... Idk how I managed to do this but somehow I let them get through the belt loop of my jeans... I slipped off the damn ladder and the neighbors Chihuahua was below.... I missed him barely.... Thise Christmas lights quite literaly held me for 5 seconds but they started snapping down.... and the heavy plug piece snapped down fast and smacked me in the forehead... I actually blacked out... what woke me up was the damn dog licking my nose... Not sure this is what he had in mind but ouch. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 1 minute ago, AztecPadre said: Not sure this is what he had in mind but ouch. I laughed when I woke up.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
World Citizen Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 2 minutes ago, AztecPadre said: Not sure this is what he had in mind but ouch. Someone should start a "most embarrasing thing you've ever done" thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 Just now, World Citizen said: Someone should start a "most embarrasing thing you've ever done" thread. That doesnt even come close then... I did embarass someone else badly though last time I was out in Texas... Some dude just randomly started asking me for help on how to get laid.... I set his ass up... I told him all you gotta do is tell a girl that you're hung like a kazoo and theyll be grabbing you by the belt loop.... He walked up to some women and told them that and they laughed so hard that they turned red and started crying... He was a foreigner... I laughed too... I bolted like hell though because he was pissed.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 My aunt embarrassed the hell out of me when I was 14.... It was Pajama day in HS.... I was actually popular during the time... And I lost a bet.... inconviently Very inconviently... I had to wear Sailor Moon PJs for Pajama day... It was embarassing.... as fuck... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 I also got in trouble for Titty dunkin a girl at lunch.... she had on shirt that showed cleavage so I used my goldfish crackers as Basketballs and Shot them into her bust she got mad as hell but me and my crew all yelled "Goal!!!" She got up an threw a chair at me... we both got wrote up.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cossacks Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 48 minutes ago, World Citizen said: Someone should start a "most embarrasing thing you've ever done" thread. I think we know who wins that one. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coletrain06 Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 3 minutes ago, Cossacks said: I think we know who wins that one. Hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AztecPadre Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 43 minutes ago, Cossacks said: I think we know who wins that one. Haha. He already is the clubhouse leader and doesnt even know it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cossacks Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 No one. Still waiting on some tasteless/obnoxious jokes! Ok in honor of Valentines Day, I still love this classic. My wife and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair. Which led to, "I guess we don't watch the same movies." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HawgGoneIt Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 A small town, faithful man got divorced after 28 years of marriage. Some time later, he was finally over the divorce and ready to date, but he knew of so many bad things like STD's that he could contract if he actually got lucky on a date. He was married for so long and had never used a condom, but figured that a condom was the only choice. He racked his brain trying to figure out how to know what size condom he would need, as he was embarrassed to buy even one. Especially considering that the only place in the small town that sold condoms was the general merchandise store/pharmacy/feed/seed and hardware. Well, he was working up to a date with the Widow Jones and he figured for sure he would get lucky, so the day finally came when he needed to just go ahead and get a condom. He went in and it was his worst nightmare, The owners daughter was working the store that day and his date was that same night. He had no choice but to just buy it, or risk some bad something or other that the news had scared him up about. He was browsing the area near the condoms, which were displayed on an end of a shelf right near the counter where the young but homely girl was working. He finally thought about it and decided to grab one of each size. When he got to the counter the girl looked and saw he had every size, and after a funny look asked him why he was buying every size. He explained the situation and she had a great idea for a solution. She told him to sit tight while she got something ready for him and she went to the back and he could hear power tools in action. When she returned she had a sly, even if very homely grin, and invited him around the counter, showing him a sheet of plywood with numerous holes drilled through it in varying sizes with the matching condom size written above them. She explained that she would go back to the front while he unzipped worked up an erection and started sizing himself until he found a hole that was snug but didn't hurt to get through. He pondered this and decided it was the best idea he'd ever heard and nodded agreement. Well, she was a sly girl, and ugly, so she was in need of some sex herself. She had devised this scheme where she could go to the front, flip the open sign to closed, lock the door, and sneak to the back side of the plywood opposite of him. She waited patiently in a kind of plywood x-rated version of whack-a-mole. She snatched down her panties and saw as he pressed against a hole to small. He grumbled and skipped several holes and sure enough went to the one that was perfect. When he poked through, she quickly hiked up her dress and popped herself onto him and he snatched back quickly. "Damn" he mumbled and he poked back through again, and got the same result. He held there for a moment and she quickly did the work, until he was finished with a groan and pulled himself back. She quickly put herself together and slipped back out and opened the store and hurried back to the counter in time for him to come out looking flustered. She, looking a bit disheveled herself asked if he found the right size and he assured her he did. He grabbed the right sized condom from the pile he brought up earlier and handed it to her. She nodded and entered the price into the register before asking him if that was all. He after a moment or two of thought, looked her squarely in the eyes and said, "I'll take ten of those condoms and by god, I want that sheet of plywood too!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 12 minutes ago, HawgGoneIt said: A small town, faithful man got divorced after 28 years of marriage. Some time later, he was finally over the divorce and ready to date, but he knew of so many bad things like STD's that he could contract if he actually got lucky on a date. He was married for so long and had never used a condom, but figured that a condom was the only choice. He racked his brain trying to figure out how to know what size condom he would need, as he was embarrassed to buy even one. Especially considering that the only place in the small town that sold condoms was the general merchandise store/pharmacy/feed/seed and hardware. Well, he was working up to a date with the Widow Jones and he figured for sure he would get lucky, so the day finally came when he needed to just go ahead and get a condom. He went in and it was his worst nightmare, The owners daughter was working the store that day and his date was that same night. He had no choice but to just buy it, or risk some bad something or other that the news had scared him up about. He was browsing the area near the condoms, which were displayed on an end of a shelf right near the counter where the young but homely girl was working. He finally thought about it and decided to grab one of each size. When he got to the counter the girl looked and saw he had every size, and after a funny look asked him why he was buying every size. He explained the situation and she had a great idea for a solution. She told him to sit tight while she got something ready for him and she went to the back and he could hear power tools in action. When she returned she had a sly, even if very homely grin, and invited him around the counter, showing him a sheet of plywood with numerous holes drilled through it in varying sizes with the matching condom size written above them. She explained that she would go back to the front while he unzipped worked up an erection and started sizing himself until he found a hole that was snug but didn't hurt to get through. He pondered this and decided it was the best idea he'd ever heard and nodded agreement. Well, she was a sly girl, and ugly, so she was in need of some sex herself. She had devised this scheme where she could go to the front, flip the open sign to closed, lock the door, and sneak to the back side of the plywood opposite of him. She waited patiently in a kind of plywood x-rated version of whack-a-mole. She snatched down her panties and saw as he pressed against a hole to small. He grumbled and skipped several holes and sure enough went to the one that was perfect. When he poked through, she quickly hiked up her dress and popped herself onto him and he snatched back quickly. "Damn" he mumbled and he poked back through again, and got the same result. He held there for a moment and she quickly did the work, until he was finished with a groan and pulled himself back. She quickly put herself together and slipped back out and opened the store and hurried back to the counter in time for him to come out looking flustered. She, looking a bit disheveled herself asked if he found the right size and he assured her he did. He grabbed the right sized condom from the pile he brought up earlier and handed it to her. She nodded and entered the price into the register before asking him if that was all. He after a moment or two of thought, looked her squarely in the eyes and said, "I'll take ten of those condoms and by god, I want that sheet of plywood too!" Please tell me this wasnt you.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HawgGoneIt Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 1 minute ago, TheMaximumHornetSting said: Please tell me this wasnt you.... LOL! When I got the notification that you quoted me in this thread, I figured sure you were gonna be asking if we thought the plywood was a good idea for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 1 minute ago, HawgGoneIt said: LOL! When I got the notification that you quoted me in this thread, I figured sure you were gonna be asking if we thought the plywood was a good idea for you. I already know my size and Getting wood in my wood isnt exactly something I want... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cossacks Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 5 minutes ago, HawgGoneIt said: LOL! When I got the notification that you quoted me in this thread, I figured sure you were gonna be asking if we thought the plywood was a good idea for you. Saw he responded and thought the same . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 1 minute ago, Cossacks said: Saw he responded and thought the same . Yea no... Ive been called alot of things.... Ive had songs written about me in HS.... And in College... Calling me various names... Splinter Dick will not be one of them... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coletrain06 Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 17 minutes ago, Cossacks said: Saw he responded and thought the same . God only knows what you typed into google images to find that one haha 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AztecPadre Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 1 hour ago, Cossacks said: No one. Still waiting on some tasteless/obnoxious jokes! Ok in honor of Valentines Day, I still love this classic. My wife and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair. Which led to, "I guess we don't watch the same movies." Hahaha!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AztecPadre Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 1 hour ago, HawgGoneIt said: A small town, faithful man got divorced after 28 years of marriage. Some time later, he was finally over the divorce and ready to date, but he knew of so many bad things like STD's that he could contract if he actually got lucky on a date. He was married for so long and had never used a condom, but figured that a condom was the only choice. He racked his brain trying to figure out how to know what size condom he would need, as he was embarrassed to buy even one. Especially considering that the only place in the small town that sold condoms was the general merchandise store/pharmacy/feed/seed and hardware. Well, he was working up to a date with the Widow Jones and he figured for sure he would get lucky, so the day finally came when he needed to just go ahead and get a condom. He went in and it was his worst nightmare, The owners daughter was working the store that day and his date was that same night. He had no choice but to just buy it, or risk some bad something or other that the news had scared him up about. He was browsing the area near the condoms, which were displayed on an end of a shelf right near the counter where the young but homely girl was working. He finally thought about it and decided to grab one of each size. When he got to the counter the girl looked and saw he had every size, and after a funny look asked him why he was buying every size. He explained the situation and she had a great idea for a solution. She told him to sit tight while she got something ready for him and she went to the back and he could hear power tools in action. When she returned she had a sly, even if very homely grin, and invited him around the counter, showing him a sheet of plywood with numerous holes drilled through it in varying sizes with the matching condom size written above them. She explained that she would go back to the front while he unzipped worked up an erection and started sizing himself until he found a hole that was snug but didn't hurt to get through. He pondered this and decided it was the best idea he'd ever heard and nodded agreement. Well, she was a sly girl, and ugly, so she was in need of some sex herself. She had devised this scheme where she could go to the front, flip the open sign to closed, lock the door, and sneak to the back side of the plywood opposite of him. She waited patiently in a kind of plywood x-rated version of whack-a-mole. She snatched down her panties and saw as he pressed against a hole to small. He grumbled and skipped several holes and sure enough went to the one that was perfect. When he poked through, she quickly hiked up her dress and popped herself onto him and he snatched back quickly. "Damn" he mumbled and he poked back through again, and got the same result. He held there for a moment and she quickly did the work, until he was finished with a groan and pulled himself back. She quickly put herself together and slipped back out and opened the store and hurried back to the counter in time for him to come out looking flustered. She, looking a bit disheveled herself asked if he found the right size and he assured her he did. He grabbed the right sized condom from the pile he brought up earlier and handed it to her. She nodded and entered the price into the register before asking him if that was all. He after a moment or two of thought, looked her squarely in the eyes and said, "I'll take ten of those condoms and by god, I want that sheet of plywood too!" Haha. Talk about a bone killer ending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AztecPadre Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 We need to be careful what kind of sex jokes we put up here. Horney hornet might take it the wrong way and think they are good ideas. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cossacks Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 16 minutes ago, AztecPadre said: We need to be careful what kind of sex jokes we put up here. Horney hornet might take it the wrong way and think they are good ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H.O.G. Posted February 15, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaximumHornetSting Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 2 hours ago, AztecPadre said: We need to be careful what kind of sex jokes we put up here. Horney hornet might take it the wrong way and think they are good ideas. Horney Hornet? Bruh.... Its like Salt Lake City on a sunday for me.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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